I am FINALLY back on track – waking up a couple hours early to do my morning pages and start the day making art…. I finally feel centered again. Or, I’m getting there. April was a little chaotic with traveling, family being sick, and laying the not so fun, but ever so necessary, groundwork for some new adventures but we got through it!

Through it… in real time. I guess it’s tempting to say we wish we could fast forward through certain times when things are tough, but in the spirit of living mindfully, I really tried to live my best life through the difficulties. I tried to fashion my character through the fire… it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t fun or pretty. But, I got through it and I learned a few things about myself and learned to appreciate my home, my partner, and my beautiful family so much more.

With all that’s going on at present, I won’t be able to blog every day as originally intended, but I will keep it going regularly and once the dust settles a little, I’ll come back full swing. 🙂

I am still keeping up with The 100 Day Project and you can follow that journey via instagram with my 100 Days of INK Drops!

 

Sometimes I wonder where she is… the sassy, breezy girl I used to be. The one that grabbed life by the colorful scarf and lived with such gusto. I just need to pull myself together… and up out of this rut. Aint nobody gonna do it for me.

I’m so over it.

I’m thinking back on this last week and a half, wondering why life is kicking my ass so badly. I have been dealing with physical illness, exhaustion, and a nightmare of a family vacation, on top of which seemingly evil hands at work behind the scenes make my life miserable in the form of long waits, heavy loads, disappointing responses, etc. There are moments when I want to just throw a toddler tantrum (which is the most epic of all tantrums, I am learning) but I do my best to keep it all together hoping that this string of “bad luck” will just pass.

What’s different now than in the past is that with everything I’ve been studying about the manifestation of all our innermost thoughts, I can’t help but turn my inquiries inward. What ill thoughts and feelings am I harboring that are infiltrating my life? What fear and doubt am I permitting to manifest into anxiety and undesirable conditions? Am I harboring an attitude of gratitude and abundance or an attitude of entitlement and scarcity? Am I braced for good things or am I braced for disaster? That which we brace ourselves for, we will likely bring upon ourselves.

As expected, I am not faultless on any of these counts. I need to turn things around… but it has to start from within and it has to start at the start. My morning pages and morning art sessions have fallen to the wayside this past week and a half with the traveling and time differences but I am going to get back on track. Let’s start at the start.

 

With an unprecedented lapse of 6 days since my last post, one can easily imagine that the “rough” traveling got “rougher.”

One would be right.

Sick toddler, trouble with accommodations, jet lag, time difference, etc… all lead to one giant heaping mess. Our family of three has never been more grateful to be in our own little home.

In the spirit of catching up on the posts, I am putting all of my recent 100 Day project posts here in chronological order:

Day 4/100 – Got kicked about 5 Dozen times last night by the cutest little toddler feet but we are making this happen. I’m a work-from-home mom so I get to spend a bunch of time with my little one, but I’m feeling EXTRA maternal spending 24/7 with her on this trip. It’s kinda nice, albeit exhausting. I know one day she’ll be all grown up… this phase goes by so quickly. I’m soaking it up. <3

Day 5/100 – My toddler is obsessed with fish – we draw, sketch, and paint them endlessly. She had a rough jet lag day today and may be coming down with something so we took it easy and we sat and drew lots of fish. “Mommy, draw el pescado please.” No joke, she even sleep talked about it. Lol.

Day 6/100 – As a mother, nothing quite breaks your heart as much as watching your child suffer any pain or deprivation. Baby girl had a 102 fever yesterday, still so jet lagged, and not eating out well because she is missing home cooking… and she is just in protest mode.

Day 7/100 – A half hour poolside while the morning shade protected us… just to get some fresh air with our sick little babe. Took the opportunity to do a little something… totally not my fave, but it was an experiment and it gives me something to work with. Most importantly, it is done.

Day 8/100: Even though this trip has been a disaster, and even though this family of three has been tested and tried, I can honestly say I feel blessed to have my little family. This too shall pass. Flying home today.

Day 9/100 (today): I always thought of home sickness as a mental and emotional state of painful longing, but I learned on this trip that it can be physical pain as well. I missed our home so dreadfully… I know the hubs and kiddo missed home as much as I did. We are all in happy (sleepy) recovery mode.

Day 1 of #100DaysofINKDrops for the #The100DayProject and facilitating the community projects of #100DaysofCMBOS!

This project has so much potential for fun and experimentation – I had tons of fun this morning both making the little ink painting and also editing the video.

I finally decided on a #100DayProject… it just came to me this morning while I was doing my morning painting… I LOVE watching drops of ink move around on wet surfaces and spread to the edges. So, I’m going to do #100DaysofInkDrops! I’m super excited about this because it’s going to be tons of fun experimentation.

It also represents something deeper for me: the power of thought – positive or negative – and how it can infiltrate every aspect of our life and circumstances. After all, the ink on the wet surface moves in a  natural flow as nature intends it. I like to think that our thoughts, though not visible, operate in the same way.

#The100DayProject starts tomorrow… and after much deliberation I finally decided on a project – #100DaysofINKDrops – I have always been mesmerized with the way ink moves on wet surfaces so I am going to have fun with ink and water over the next 100 days. The beauty of this project is that I can totally have fun with it and I know I can manage to do at least one of these every single day for the next 100 days. I am gong to try to capture videos every day if I can because like everything else in life, the process is as captivating as the destination. I am doubly thrilled for this 100 day project because I will be facilitating members of @creativemornings.boston with the hashtag #100DaysofCMBOS Join the fun! #ink #water #abstracts #movement #flow #energy #zen #announce

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The fact that it is already April feels like a joke in itself. Where is the time going? Why is it moving so fast. I remember my mother telling me that this would happen. I laughed at what seemed like sheer ridiculousness at the time… I’m not laughing any more. The days just zoom on by.

My only consolation is this: that every day has been well lived since I resolved to live mindfully, make art, and write every single day because I have stuck to my commitment. That means I have something to show for my time.. at least I have that. 🙄

In a lot of ways the artist journey is a lonely one, but artists certainly need not go it alone, nor should they. Having a strong support network of carefully selected family, friends, mentors, and even mentees is so important. It’s important to be very selective about who you include in this inner network as an artist because the act of making art is such a vulnerable act.

Here are some traits to look for in the persons you choose:

They take you (and your dreams) seriously, no matter how crazy, out of reach or wild they may seem.

The listen to you and provide a strong sounding board.

SANS Judgement – your artist has to feel safe sharing without the potential for judgement.

Look for reciprocity – we imagine it might be nice to just have people who center their lives on us and our dreams, but optimally, you want to connect with other movers, shakers, and dreamers. This mutually sustaining energy will truly feed you and you won’t ever feel guilt about having great dreams. You also shield yourself from the negativity or jealousy of blocked individuals.

They lift you up when you are feeling doubt or fear and believe in you unfalteringly.

It’s not always easy to gather up your support network but we must guard our dreams and our artist self – in the earliest stages, our ideas and thoughts can be crushed with doubt, jealousy, and negativity by those persons we bring into our confidence. Be discriminate. Choose thoughtfully.

Courage. This month’s global theme for CreativeMornings. This last few weeks have been all about taking risks and mustering up my courage to make the biggest career jump and investment risk of my life to date… to choose me over someone else… to say no to certainty and to embrace risk. All of these things take great courage. And there is yet more to come.

Today, I also took a plunge and publicly invited members of the CMBos community to join me for #The100DayProject and it will be my labor of love to facilitate this small community of 100Day’ers locally. This took a bit of courage since it is outside of my comfort zone, but I was moved to do it. If not me, then who? If not now, then when? Amiright?