I’m thinking back on this last week and a half, wondering why life is kicking my ass so badly. I have been dealing with physical illness, exhaustion, and a nightmare of a family vacation, on top of which seemingly evil hands at work behind the scenes make my life miserable in the form of long waits, heavy loads, disappointing responses, etc. There are moments when I want to just throw a toddler tantrum (which is the most epic of all tantrums, I am learning) but I do my best to keep it all together hoping that this string of “bad luck” will just pass.
What’s different now than in the past is that with everything I’ve been studying about the manifestation of all our innermost thoughts, I can’t help but turn my inquiries inward. What ill thoughts and feelings am I harboring that are infiltrating my life? What fear and doubt am I permitting to manifest into anxiety and undesirable conditions? Am I harboring an attitude of gratitude and abundance or an attitude of entitlement and scarcity? Am I braced for good things or am I braced for disaster? That which we brace ourselves for, we will likely bring upon ourselves.
As expected, I am not faultless on any of these counts. I need to turn things around… but it has to start from within and it has to start at the start. My morning pages and morning art sessions have fallen to the wayside this past week and a half with the traveling and time differences but I am going to get back on track. Let’s start at the start.